A workplace guide to compassionate presence during life’s most difficult moments

WORKPLACE — Grief is universal, yet it remains one of the most uncomfortable topics in workplace settings. When a colleague loses a loved one, we want to help but often don’t know how. We fear saying the wrong thing, intruding on private pain, or making things worse. So we say nothing—and our silence, however well-intentioned, can feel like abandonment .

The workplace presents unique challenges for grievers. While home may offer space to fall apart, work demands professionalism, productivity, and emotional regulation. Colleagues who were friends may suddenly seem distant. The expectation to “get back to normal” can feel impossible when normal has been permanently altered .

Yet the workplace also offers unique opportunities for support. For many grievers, work provides structure, purpose, and social connection when everything else feels chaotic. Supportive colleagues can make the difference between isolation and feeling held by community during life’s hardest moments .

Here are ten ways to support colleagues experiencing death and grief—from the immediate aftermath through the long journey of mourning.

1. Acknowledge the Loss Immediately and Sincerely

The worst thing you can do is say nothing. Silence, even when motivated by fear of intrusion, communicates that their loss doesn’t matter or that you don’t care.

What to do:

• Reach out as soon as you learn of the loss
• A simple acknowledgment is enough: “I was so sorry to hear about your mother. I’m thinking of you.”
• Send a card, email, or message—written words can be reread when spoken ones are forgotten
• If you didn’t know the person who died, it’s still appropriate to acknowledge their colleague’s loss

What to say:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
• “Your [father/sister/friend] meant so much to you—I know this is devastating.”
• No need for lengthy statements. Sincerity matters more than eloquence.

What to avoid:

• Waiting until they return to work to acknowledge the loss (they’ll wonder why no one reached out)
• Pretending nothing happened
• Overly elaborate expressions that draw attention to your discomfort rather than their pain

Acknowledgment is the foundation upon which all other support is built .

2. Show Up, Even When You Feel Helpless

Many people avoid grievers because they don’t know what to say or do. But presence matters more than words. You don’t need to have the perfect response—you just need to show up.

Ways to show up:

• Attend the funeral or memorial service if appropriate and welcomed
• Send flowers or a donation to a cause meaningful to the deceased or griever
• Bring food to their home (check dietary preferences first)
• Offer to help with practical tasks: walking the dog, picking up children, grocery shopping
• Sit with them in silence if they don’t want to talk
• Send periodic texts that require no response: “Thinking of you today.”

Remember:

• Grief is isolating. Your presence—even clumsy, imperfect presence—reminds them they’re not alone.
• Many people disappear after the funeral. Showing up in the weeks and months after matters even more.
• Small, consistent gestures accumulate into a sense of being held by community .

3. Support Practical Workplace Accommodations

Grief affects concentration, energy, memory, and emotional regulation—all essential for most jobs. Practical workplace accommodations can make the difference between barely surviving and having space to mourn.

Workplace adjustments to advocate for:

• Flexible hours to attend appointments, manage estate matters, or simply rest when grief is overwhelming
• Reduced workload or temporary reassignment of demanding projects
• Permission to work from home on particularly difficult days
• Understanding around memory lapses, difficulty concentrating, or emotional moments
• Extended deadlines where possible
• Privacy when they need to step away

How colleagues can help:

• Offer to cover meetings or tasks without being asked
• Check in about workload: “Would it help if I took over the Johnson project for a few weeks?”
• Don’t keep score about who’s doing what—grief is not a permanent state
• Advocate with managers for reasonable accommodations

The goal is not to coddle but to recognize that grief temporarily disables in ways that require accommodation, just as physical illness would .

4. Listen Without Trying to Fix

Grief cannot be fixed. It must be witnessed. Your role is not to solve their pain but to sit beside them in it.

How to listen:

• Ask open questions: “Would you like to talk about [the person who died]?”
• Follow their lead—some days they’ll want to share memories, other days they’ll want distraction
• Allow silence—grievers often need space to gather themselves
• Resist the urge to offer solutions or silver linings
• Accept expressions of anger, despair, or numbness without trying to talk them out of these feelings

What not to say:

• “They’re in a better place.” (You don’t know what the griever believes.)
• “At least they lived a long life.” (Long doesn’t mean long enough.)
• “Everything happens for a reason.” (This can feel cruel to someone drowning in senseless loss.)
• “You’re so strong.” (This can pressure them to hide their struggles.)
• “Let me know if you need anything.” (Vague offers rarely get taken up—specific offers help more.)

Instead, say: “I’m here to listen however you need. Whatever you’re feeling is okay.”

5. Remember and Acknowledge Significant Dates

Grief doesn’t end after the funeral. It resurfaces on anniversaries, holidays, and ordinary days that suddenly become extraordinary in their absence.

Dates to remember:

• The anniversary of the death
• The deceased’s birthday
• Holidays (first ones without the person are especially hard)
• The griever’s own birthday or other personal milestones
• The anniversary of the funeral or memorial

How to acknowledge:

• Mark your calendar and reach out on or before these dates
• Send a simple message: “Thinking of you today. Remembering your father with you.”
• Offer specific support: “Would you like company on that day, or would you prefer space?”
• Don’t assume they want to be distracted—some want to sit with their grief
• Ask if they’d like to share memories or if they’d rather not talk about it

These small recognitions communicate that you remember what they carry, even when the world has moved on .

6. Respect Individual and Cultural Differences in Grieving

Grief is not one-size-fits-all. Cultural background, religious beliefs, family traditions, and individual personality all shape how people mourn. Support means honoring their way, not imposing yours.

Cultural considerations:

• Different cultures have different mourning periods, rituals, and expectations
• Some cultures emphasize public expression of grief; others value private mourning
• Religious beliefs shape views on death, the afterlife, and appropriate mourning practices
• Funeral and memorial customs vary widely—ask about what to expect if you’re attending

Individual differences:

• Some people want to talk about their loss; others need distraction
• Grief duration varies—there’s no “normal” timeline
• Some return to work quickly; others need extended leave
• Grief may resurface unexpectedly, even years later

How to respect differences:

• Ask: “What would be most helpful to you right now?”
• Follow their lead rather than imposing your assumptions
• Don’t judge their grief expression against your expectations
• Educate yourself about cultural practices if you’re supporting someone from a different background
• When in doubt, ask respectfully: “I want to support you in ways that honor your traditions. Can you help me understand what would be appropriate?”

Support that respects individual and cultural differences is support that truly helps .

7. Maintain Connection Over the Long Term

The first weeks after a death bring an outpouring of support. Cards arrive. Meals appear. Calls come. Then gradually, life returns to normal for everyone except the griever, whose normal has been permanently altered.

Long-term support matters:

• Check in months after the death, not just immediately
• Continue mentioning the person who died—grievers often feel others have forgotten
• Acknowledge that grief changes but doesn’t end
• Be patient with ongoing struggles—grief can affect functioning for years
• Don’t expect them to “be over it” by any particular timeline

Ways to stay connected:

• Periodic messages: “Thinking of you and your mom today.”
• Share memories when they occur to you: “I just heard this song and remembered how much your brother loved it.”
• Include them in social invitations while understanding they may decline
• Remember that grief can be isolating—your ongoing presence counters that

Long-term support communicates that their loss—and they themselves—still matter .

8. Be Patient with Grief’s Unpredictability

Grief is not linear. It doesn’t progress neatly through stages toward resolution. It surges and recedes unpredictably, triggered by songs, smells, dates, or nothing at all.

What unpredictability looks like:

• Good days and terrible days with no apparent pattern
• Sudden tears in meetings or over seemingly trivial things
• Difficulty concentrating even on routine tasks
• Anger or irritability that seems disproportionate
• Withdrawal from social interactions they previously enjoyed
• Moments of joy followed by crashes of guilt about feeling joy

How to respond:

• Don’t take emotional reactions personally
• Offer grace without comment: “Take whatever time you need.”
• Create space for them to step away when overwhelmed
• Don’t track their progress or expect steady improvement
• Trust that they’re doing the best they can with what they have

Patience in the face of grief’s unpredictability is a profound form of support .

9. Offer Specific, Practical Help

“Well-meaning people often say, ‘Let me know if you need anything,’ and grieving people often don’t know what they need or can’t bring themselves to ask,” notes grief expert Megan Devine. Specific offers are easier to accept.

Specific offers that help:

• “I’m going to the grocery store—can I pick up a few things for you?”
• “I can cover your shift on Tuesday if you need the day off.”
• “I’d like to bring dinner on Thursday. Are there foods you especially like or need to avoid?”
• “I have time to review that report for you if you’re struggling to focus.”
• “Would it help if I drove you to the cemetery on the anniversary?”

Practical workplace help:

• Offer to take notes in meetings they need to attend
• Help prioritize their workload when everything feels overwhelming
• Remind them of deadlines they might forget
• Protect them from unnecessary workplace demands or gossip
• Advocate with management for continued accommodations

Specific offers remove the burden of asking while providing tangible support .

10. Advocate for Grief-Inclusive Workplace Policies

Individual support matters, but systemic change creates environments where grievers can mourn without fear of professional consequences.

Workplace policies that support grievers:

• Bereavement leave that acknowledges grief extends beyond immediate funeral arrangements
• Flexible return-to-work options (phased returns, temporary reduced hours)
• Clear protocols for notifying colleagues of a death and appropriate responses
• Training for managers on supporting grieving employees
• Access to EAP counseling beyond the standard few sessions
• Accommodation policies that include grief-related needs
• Culture that doesn’t penalize emotional expression or reduced productivity

Advocacy actions:

• Ask HR about bereavement policies and suggest improvements
• Encourage grief literacy training for managers and teams
• Normalize conversations about loss and mourning
• Support colleagues publicly when they need accommodations
• Challenge workplace cultures that demand stoicism or rapid “getting back to normal”

When workplaces take grief seriously, everyone benefits—because everyone eventually grieves .

What Not to Do: Common Mistakes to Avoid

Don’t avoid them. Your discomfort is not a reason to disappear from someone’s life when they need community most.

Don’t compare griefs. “I know exactly how you feel” isn’t true—even similar losses are experienced differently.

Don’t rush them. “You should be feeling better by now” dismisses their unique timeline.

Don’t take over. Making decisions for them or assuming you know what they need undermines their agency.

Don’t expect them to be the same person. Grief changes people profoundly. The colleague who returns may be different from the one who left.

Don’t stop mentioning the person who died. Grievers often feel others have forgotten. Saying their loved one’s name is a gift.

Understanding Your Role

Supporting a grieving colleague involves holding two truths:

You can help. Your presence, practical assistance, and ongoing acknowledgment can buffer the isolation of grief and provide genuine comfort.

You cannot fix it. Grief is not a problem to solve but a reality to be endured. Your role is not to take away the pain but to sit beside them in it.

The Gift of Showing Up

Ultimately, supporting a grieving colleague comes down to one thing: showing up. Showing up with your imperfect words, your awkward silences, your specific offers of help, and your ongoing presence long after others have moved on.

As one grieving person reflected: “The colleagues who helped most weren’t the ones who said the perfect thing. They were the ones who kept showing up—bringing coffee, sitting with me when I cried, mentioning my daughter’s name when everyone else had stopped. They couldn’t fix my broken heart, but they made sure I wasn’t alone with it.”

In showing up for grieving colleagues, we do more than support individuals—we build workplaces where humanity comes first, where life’s hardest moments are met with compassion rather than silence, and where no one has to mourn alone.

If you’re supporting a grieving colleague, remember to care for yourself too. Witnessing others’ pain takes emotional energy. Reach out to your own supports, set boundaries where needed, and seek guidance when you’re unsure. Supporting others doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.